Your Guide to Networking That Won't Make You Cringe
Networking accounts for 80% of your career success, so how do you do it without wanting to crawl out of your skin?
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“Networking is the single-most disliked thing to do when it comes to professional development. It’s also the single-most important thing for our success.”
On some level, we all know that networking is important for success in life. Yet, I don’t think I’ve ever come across someone who lights up at the prospect of approaching strangers in real life and striking up a conversation. It goes against our very nature as human beings. We’re programmed to avoid uncertainty and stick to what and who we know. Networking is the one thing that, no matter how much you do it, can make you feel that little bit uncomfortable. That’s because networking is inherently messy and unpredictable. We never know who we’ll come across or how they’ll respond to us. So, instead, we avoid it altogether.
However, networking accounts for more than two-thirds of the career success you’d find in life. Randstad Risesmart, an outplacement agency that helps people with career transitions, has found that about 80% of the jobs you’d land would come from your network. Let that sink in: 80%. Yep, not job boards, not your endless stream of cold job applications, but networking. Why is that?
When you apply to say, a job advert, hundreds of others apply as well. There are advanced applicant tracking systems (ATS) that can remove you from the stockpile even before any human lays eyes on your CV just because it’s missing a key word or skill required for that job role. Then comes the battle of the CVs and the personal bias of the person reviewing your applicaton. You can see where I’m going with this.
Networking, on the other hand, operates on a very different premise. The very nature of networking means that you have something in common with the person you’re meeting. You either work in the same industry, attend the same events, or share similar interests. You’re also building your relationship on much more than just work-related stuff, like your personality, hobbies and sense of humor. That makes for a much deeper connection and a more impactful impression than an impressive CV on someone’s desk.
That said, networking doesn’t have to be that cringe-worthy moment where you make your rounds at an event and hand out your business cards to anything that has legs. In fact, networking, when done right, works much better when you focus on building quality, meaningful relationships as opposed to going after quantity. With networking it’s always quality over quantity.
Ok, so now that we’ve established why networking is so important and that it doesn’t have to be a painful process, let’s dive right in into how to do it in a way that is enjoyable and beneficial for everyone.
1. Be of Help
It might be counter-intuitive to start with this when we talk about networking as a way to further your own career, but it’s probably one of the most important ingredients of success in life. We’re all so busy running around, extinguishing our own fires, that we rarely look up to see the struggles of others.
Generosity breeds generosity. It’s the “gift-that-keeps-on-giving” kind of a situation where we yearn and want to help those who’ve helped us in the past. Being helpful to others is probably the best way to stand out from the rest of the crowd and really make a positive impression on others. Not to mention that being generous and helping others is scientifically proven to improve our own happiness and wellbeing. So, you have literally nothing to lose and everything to gain.
I hear you wonder how to be helpful to someone you don’t know. Excellent question. You’re in luck because we spend a big portion of our life in the digital world. So, if you’re interested in architectural design you should probably join formal and informal groups dedicated to the topic. There, depending on the format of the group, someone might ask a question you know the answer to. Or, they might ask for help with something you can do. There’s your chance to be a helpful to a stranger. Also, lets take this to the offline world as well (post-covid, of course). Say you’re in the supermarket and you see a man struggle to reach the top shelf of the sauces aisle. What should you do? Help out of course. Or, a lost tourists asks you for directions. There’s your chance to become Google Maps incarnate. Sure, many of these things will be just one-time interactions, but some might turn into something more. How?
Say you notice the short man wears a sweater that has your university mascot. There’s your chance to strike up a conversation. Or, you notice the tourist’s accent sounds really familiar and you ask them where they’re from. Oh, as it happens you spent six months in Thailand only last year. See, genuine interest in human life is half the work.
Judy Robinett, a startup funding expert, and a consultant, wrote a book on this called “How to Be a Power Connector”. An advice I really liked from her is to keep a list of all the people you have in your network and occasionally reach out with something that is of interest to them. If, for example, I know that Angela is a great career coach and I know a firm is looking for someone to join their team I can offer to make an introduction. Or, if Damien has a music podcast and I discover a quirky little band, I might send it his way in case he wants to have them on his show.
2. Don’t Come with an Agenda
When I say be of help, I really mean it. Don’t come with a scheming plan where you’d help Deborah only because you know she works at BBC and can recommend you to her manager. People can see right through it and it’s really not kosher.
Last month, when I publicly announced that I’m leaving my employer of six years to venture out on my own, a guy I had met five years prior (at Oktoberfest of all places) messaged me and offered to introduce me to some people in his network. Could I have anticipated this turn of events five years ago? Of course not. Would he had reached out had I not left a good impression on him on some level? Hell no!
Networking works best when you do it for the sake of doing it. Responding to that funny tweet that showed up on your wall. Reaching out to that author who really stroke a cord with you when he talked about animal protection in Asia. Chatting for hours to that dude because you’re both passionate about video games. When your interactions are initiated from a place of authenticity, it shows. People can tell when you’re being real.
3. Adopt A Networking Mindset
People might really try to ramp up their online presence and make an effort at networking when they’re after something. Say they’re out of a job and want to meet people in the industry, so they attend all the possible events they can find on LinkedIn. Or they need a source for their next large piece for the Washington Post and they start reaching out to people who they might interview.
Intermittent-networking doesn’t really work. First, if you do it all at once it can easily lead to burnout (no wonder so many people dislike it). Second, when you do it in bursts when you need something goes against the first two points - you aren’t being helpful and you approach people with an agenda. It simply won’t work (and if it does, it might be a one-time thing that person does for you).
Instead, what you’re better off doing is to adopt a networking mindset. This includes:
A genuine interest in people: stay curious and interested in what others have to say and be willing to help.
Pro-active engagement with others: rather than waiting for someone to approach you (at the virtual party) you strike up a conversation with them.
Embrace serendipity: rather than thinking that this tourist isn’t worth your time to strike up a conversation, do it anyway. Some of the best opportunities in life can come out of the least expected places.
Be vulnerable: vulnerability always comes from a place of authenticity. You can’t be vulnerable and inauthentic. When we’re willing to open up and be ourselves with others, others are much more likely to do the same.
Aim just about high enough - if you want to be a talk show host, you might want to reach out to Oprah about some hand-me-down advice. We all know that won’t happen. But, if you are listening to a great podcast that was started only two or three years ago, the host might be willing to have a chat and even become your mentor.
I hope these advice made you warm up to the idea of giving networking a real go and see what it does for your life and the life of others you meet. Good luck!